The Bonnie Raitt Gym Incident

I am exhausted. I literally have doubled my efforts at the gym over the last 2 months with zero affect on the outcome. What used to be a 15 minute set of sprint intervals has become 35 minutes. What used to be an overemphasized work out on my upper body, has been changed to doing cruel squats and wondering at what point I will injure myself. Still, the weight clings to me and I am depressed that I can spend nearly an hour in the gym with little real improvement.

During the cardio portion of my workouts, I am distracted. Distraction in the gym is not a result of attractive women around me. I live in San Francisco. I belong to a rock climbing gym. The last time I saw a drop dead gorgeous woman, she was scaling a wall with ease...and when she turned around at the top, I saw that she had deliberately forgotten to shave her armpits. Upon further examination - I noticed that she had also missed her legs. No, it wasn't a long haired man. It was just a super hot hairy chick. I have learned to not be distracted by this. It's the OCD that kicks in. The minute I start running, I am concerned about when the work out will be over. This is pathetic. My favorite trick is to cover up the count down clock and then guess how far along I am. I usually wait until I feel like I have been running for 10 minutes before I look to see how long I have really been at it..... 3 minutes....5 minutes.... never the 10 minutes.

No wonder I see the world so differently! What is only 3 minutes to everyone else, feels like 10 long minutes. First dates that last 2 hours... feel like they are 5 hours. One date for me is like a super sized date for me. No wonder I am so comfortable kissing on the first date...Don't even get me started about how long a work day feels.

I am drenched in sweat and have been running for 32 real minutes (converted to 90 minutes by my count) and this is the home stretch. I am in a row of 3 other regulars (who use their lunch hour for a work out) and I can only imagine what they are thinking, "This dude has been showing up for months and he is getting fatter!" ...and so I step it up a bit, I go up a level. Let's see what level 11 on a Stair Master feels like! "Paradise City" is winding down on the iPod shuffle and if I go any faster I am going to break the stair master. It's at capacity. I quickly look over and am pretty sure that everyone in my row gave me a nod, thumbs up...and one dude even saluted me... but perhaps he was simply mocking me.

and then it happens....

a jazzy, soulful beat... and the sweet melodic dad rock sounds of Bonnie Raitt.

In full stride, I must now try to go from Paradise City to "Have a Heart" by Bonnie Raitt. I know that I could try to reach for my shuffle and move forward, but -- at this speed, it would be dangerous to try to change songs mid work out. I have learned this lesson from experience...

and so -- it hit me....

I think I am probably the only dude in America at that moment, maybe on that day who is desperately working out for his life to Bonnie Raitt... and how this all could have been avoided if I actually made a "work out play list" --instead of selecting a random fill.... and creating such an awkward workout experience.