Original Thoughts Inspired by Red Wine #2498

I am happy.
happy.

Can you imagine? I love my life....my imperfect, often frustrating, always absurd life.
I am happy.

I am 33.
single.
living in one of the world's greatest cities... and debt free.
I even have savings. Ladies... gold diggers... don't get excited.. it's not much.

and yet, I wonder... is there more?
What about love?
what about a family?
what about settling down?
I cringe.. because that term incorporates the word "settle"...
and this dude does not settle.

and yet...there is a crazy voice in the back of my head....

and it keeps telling me one thing...

I would give it all up... this amazing life... this independence... this freedom... for real love.

does this make me mature? or are my midwestern roots calling me home? or have I just realized that real love is rare... but in San Francisco there are a surplus of thrills.

I am not sure. I am not sure another glass of wine, let alone another bottle of wine can answer this question...

but it is a question.
and it is on my mind.

and so I turn to Bernie Taupin for answers....

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

but...I don't think Bernie has any answers for me... so I will just whistle in the dark.

so.. am I really happy? hmmm.....